dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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