One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
