Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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