hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
