You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
