i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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