I want to stick my p in your. b.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
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Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
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Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.