brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
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