Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I AM VODKA MAN
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.