I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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