I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
