The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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