Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
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