Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I still have a little drunk in my system
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
