i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
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