If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
