i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
