You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
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