do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I am available for nakedness
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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