I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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