quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
