happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
