Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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