My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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