Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Randomize
