Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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