Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
