Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
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