the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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