so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
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Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
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I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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