have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
