tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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