dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
