After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
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