I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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