The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
