Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
