In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
