I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
