I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
