I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
We need to get me chipped asap
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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