Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
