I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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