she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
