Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Is it penis luge time yet?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
