you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
