i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
