Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
