Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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