we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
