how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
