His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
it's like iHOP with fire
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
