Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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