As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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