My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
