btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaÃt comercial?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
