So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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