I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
