She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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