I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
do herpes really smell.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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