Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
