Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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