Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
