I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
