The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
