Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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