Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
