I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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