So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
