I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
