The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
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