she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
