i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
