I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
