Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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