WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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