glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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