I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
