We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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