I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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