I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
