He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
