but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
