I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
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Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
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Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
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