I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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