I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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