I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
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