did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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